Here Without You
by Blueraingurl
Summary: ShuichiYuki: Can they really live without each other?


Disclaimer: I do not own Gravitation

A/N: I am new to this short series . . . however; Shuichi and Yuki Eiri completely struck out at me. So here is this fic. 

There might be some OCC on Shuichi and Yuki's part but they had been separated for quite some time. Let's say 10 years- so their characters have matured.

**Title: Here Without You**

Yuki continued to hit the H key on his laptop. It was frustrating he admitted.  Here he was the talented and famous writer attacking his laptop like it was his enemy. In many ways though, it was his enemy- he had lost Shuichi. 

That had been years ago- and yet the thought bombarded him whenever he was given air to breathe- which was always. 

Shuichi-

_Flashback:_

The annoying, overly hyper, dimwit- who had a peanut for a brain, yet he was warm, caring, and loving, someone that Yuki could never be.  

Shuichi had tried to change Yuki- to have him open up more. How could he not? Yuki knew he lacked emotions. And that was in stark contrast with Shuichi who the perfect example of bursting joy whenever and wherever he went.  

Yuki remembered a time when he was that innocent- but the events of his life had changed his bright outlook in life, in love. Demons of his past still haunted him- dreams overtook him, so when Shuichi had come to his apartment telling Yuki that he would live with him- Yuki objected violently.

Then coming to reason, Yuki had agreed in a one-week trial.  Slowly his barriers began to break as Shuichi showed him something that he didn't think possible- love, unadulterated love, pure- innocent feelings that bubbled out of Shuichi for him.

He remembered during that week he had a nightmare again . . . and when he awoke he found Shuichi holding him in his arms.

"What are you doing here, in my bed?" Yuki shook Shuichi.

"Ohayo," he smiled brightly.

"Go, now" Yuki demanded.

"I heard you cry out in your dreams last night so I wanted to be next to you," he replied back.

"Humph," displacing Shuichi's hold on him, Yuki pushed him off and left the bewildered and sad boy on his bed.

-------

That memory brought a bittersweet feeling to Yuki. Now he was alone- this was what he wanted, right?

Yuki looked at his keyboard again-

Slowly he began to type-

_Here Without You_

_Sometimes you never know what you had until that person is not there anymore. And whose fault was it that they weren't here with you? It had to be that other person- to abandon the one who promised forever with you.  Sure I had been the one to push that person away- but that person should have known what you were thinking, to know that love is something not needed to be expressed with words. That baka- he needed the words like he lived for it.  But I was not the kind of person who can be read like a book. He should have known if he had truly loved me as much as he had thought.  He should have known that I loved him and that I still think of him._

_But now it's too late- too much time had passed.  I blame him. It's his entire fault, if only he hadn't tried to change me. If only he had accepted me for what kind of person I am. But no, with a smile in place, he tried to draw me out of my depressive state, my icy façade. I couldn't handle it. It was too much. The constants in my life were being violated by just his presence. BAKA- the fool who thought he could teach me to love._

_And here I am- alone as I had always wanted. Right, this is what I've wanted my whole life. To be alone, to die alone.  And for some reason, it sounds even fake in my ear.  _

_I look around my room- I could still smell him,_

_I could still see his smile . . . _

_and__ then I realize that I've been so wrong all this time._

_It's my fault. _

_I am the reason you are not here._

_But for all it's worth I just wanted to tell you I've always loved you._

---------

Yuki looked at his published book. It was another success. For some reason fans clamored to buy his book for it was a different style than he had written previously. Maybe they had thought he had written that novel specifically for them. 

"Stupid girls" Yuki mumbled. 

"Always the same I see," a deep voice spoke.

Time stopped; something about that voice torn at Yuki's soul.  It couldn't be- no it couldn't be Shuichi.

Slowly Yuki turned, he saw nothing.

There was no one.

Coming out of his stupor Yuki got ready to meet his fans once again at his book signing.

--------

Yuki felt tired. It was a long day. He felt drained and unhappy for some reason as he entered his apartment.

He threw his blazer without care across his couch-

Only- it had hit a mysterious occupant not empty air.

"You haven't changed your habits Yuki," Shuichi noted.

Yuki was beyond belief.  Dumbfounded actually, this was a first for the refined author.

"Yuki- I needed to see you one more time, I know it's been years since you told me to leave, since you had left me," Shuichi began talking, "I don't know if I should even be here- I don't want to upset your life but something drew me here again".

"I thought you were in the States?" Yuki spoke softly.

"Yes, I've been in the States for a long time- touring and such. But I thought it was time for me to find myself- so six months ago, I've been tracking through Europe and the world," Shuichi said tiredly.  He was older- less bubbly, but his feelings for Yuki were strong as ever.  In the end, he had let Yuki leave.  But now that he thought about it, it seemed as if he should have clinged onto Yuki until the end. Yuki looked like shit, he observed.  But in many ways- after losing Yuki, Shuichi knew that he couldn't hold onto someone like Yuki. Someone so perfect- so unlike him. He was just an awkward teenager- almost stalking Yuki.  So he had let go in hopes that Yuki can finally find happiness.  But obviously looking at the bags under Yuki's eyes- Shuichi felt unbearable pain.

With slow movements Shuichi drew near to Yuki- breathing in his scent once again, a smell that had haunted his nights.

Yuki flinched a little- 'is this a dream? Was his mind so warped that he was dreaming this right now?' A strong scent of strawberries invaded him- so many memories with Shuichi began to replay itself in his mind.

Yuki pressed his head- 'oh the migraine' was killing him.

"Yuki, Yuki, are you okay?" with worry Shuichi placed his hand on Yuki's face.

Confusion and fear spread across Yuki's face.  Shuichi suddenly embraced Yuki.

"It's been so long Yuki," Shuichi spoke into his hair, "I'm sorry for coming back here- but I needed to see you- please can we talk?"

Yuki didn't say anything although the words 'no' were on the tip of his tongue.

"I need to know . . . did you write this book about us?" Shuichi asked, "Here Without You . . . do you mean it?"

'Damn, the book,' Yuki cursed himself- for that vulnerable moment in his life- Yuki had written from his heart and without second thought he had sent it out to his publishers.  Without him realizing it- although it was obvious now that Yuki had written about Shuichi and him from the first page . . .

"I . . ." he couldn't answer and released himself from the boy- no man in front of him.  He had become a man somewhere down the road. And a beautiful man at that. Shuichi was no longer the scrawny looking boy of age nineteen. Even his pink hair had become dark brown. Perfection screamed out at Yuki- 

"Leave me, just leave. It's too late for us . . . I didn't write about us," Yuki stated.

"Liar! LIAR! I hate you Yuki," emotions raged across Shuichi- yes he hated Yuki, hated him from hurting him from the beginning . . . but at the same time, "I loved you Yuki and I still do".

Without hesitation Shuichi pulled him into a kiss- becoming even deeper as the seconds passed.

Yuki's dam broke- his heart that had been cased in ice dissolved, he couldn't hold it anymore, he had passionately denied his need of Shuichi, he had denied that he needed his younger lover but having to taste this bit of heaven was too much for even him.  It was time to be truthful- no matter how hard it was to be.

Yuki pulled away from Shuichi then and looked at him. "I . . . I don't know how to say this but I meant everything I said in the book- I didn't know losing you would hurt this much. I realized that as I wrote the words that I blamed you this entire time- only to realize that it had been my fault from the beginning".

"Yuki, I don't blame you. I've never forgotten about you, you've always been on my mind and I've never stopped loving you," he whispered, "let me love you again and this time let's do it right . . . no more hiding- I won't hide anymore either".

"Can we?" Yuki asked with uncertainty.

Shuichi nodded.

"Can you teach me?" Yuki asked again.

"No, let's teach each other this time," Shuichi embraced him. 

----------------------

Finished


End file.
